The whole of India is happily celebrating the joyous festival of Holi. Well not the whole of India. Personally I’m locked in my apartment and the fact that I threatened to pour acid in people’s coloured water is only part of the reason why.

Honestly, right now the only colour worth covering yourself in is saffron. After UP, Uttarakhand, Manipur and Goa; the path to political survival is clearly to the right. Rahul Gandhi has failed to achieve results, not just in one but four elections at the same time. He might as well put on a tilak, wear saffron clothes, shout “Jai Sri Ram” and join his baby-faced cousin and aunt in setting up their concentration camp for “hormonal” women.

Seriously, the man got himself the best campaign manager in the country, someone who helped bring out the victories of both Modi and Nitish Kumar Yadav and he still couldn’t win. That too in his family’s home ground! I’m sorry to say this, but Rahul Gandhi is a disgrace to dynastic politics.

So not only did the Congress get swept aside in UP, they failed to form the government in both Manipur and Goa, two states where they actually were the largest party elected, though short of majority. And how did that happen? While the BJP were making alliances and cutting deals, the Congress were waiting to be invited to form the government. Probably drinking bhang while they were at it.

And so now the BJP control four more states. With the win in UP, the Prime Minister will be able to take full control of the Rajya Sabha and make whoever he wants the President. Baba Ramdev, maybe.

That’s right, everything is coming up Modi and if you’re a politician with any shred of sense you’ll switch to BJP. Of course there will also be those idealistic idiots like me who will refuse to ally themselves to a fear-mongering, Muslim-killing, cow-humping bunch of fanatics like them but honestly we’re all fucked anyway.

So what hope does the Congress and the Left (because the two haven’t been the same in a long time) have of ever bringing down Modi? Not much. None so long as Rahul Gandhi continues as the presumptive prime ministerial candidate.

The worst part is, it’s not like we don’t have other leaders who could reach the level of pan-India appeal they’d need to take on Modi. The Congress itself has Shashi Tharoor and P Chidambaram. The Communists have Sitaram Yechury. The Janata Dal have Nitish Kumar Yadav. Hell, even Omar Abdullah with his elitism is a far better candidate than Rahul Gandhi.

So really, go out, drink bhang and bathe yourself in saffron. Practice shouting “Bharat Mata Ki Jai” and “Jai Sri Ram” at the top of your voice. Personally, I’m going to spend the next ten years reading political theory and preparing for the thought police to come arrest me. As the poet rightly said, “Holi Hai!”.  

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One thought on “Holi Cow!

  1. Don’t worry , No side can dominate politics indefinately. P chidambaram matches the dignity required for a Pm candidate and Shashi Tharoor the nationalism delivered with poise rather than bluntness. Sitaram Yechury can convince ppl with his logic but his Party’s only strong in a few places like Kerala and Tripura.Yet a change will come due to anti incumbency will hurt me.

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